Breaking Dawn Part Deux

So it’s all over. The Twilight Saga has ended, which hopefully means way less awkward Kristen Stewart interviews on the Today Show.

And hopefully less of her bare ass too.

I don’t have much to say about the movie. It felt a little rushed compared to the others, but that’s somewhat understandable seeing as they based an entire 2-hour movie on the last 50 pages of the book. But they did take a really good approach to presenting the story. I won’t give it away, but if you haven’t read the book in a long time, don’t re-read it before the movie. I had completely forgotten what happened in the book and it made the movie that much better.

Stalking deer – romantic

So basically to sum it all up, there’s some bad acting, some glittering, a sex scene, a CGI baby, a vampire fight, and an anti-climactic ending. I think it’s fine that they decided to go through every actor that has ever been in the movies at the closing credits, but did they really have to do it to a Christina Perri song? Usually the Twilight soundtracks are actually good.

Anyway, what can you say about Twilight? It sucks….and I LOVE it.

Also, while little girls and their moms are weeping that the saga is complete, somewhere in LA Robert Pattinson is giddy that it’s all over:

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That Sia

Sia is all the rage now in dance music with her vocals for Flo Rida’s “Wild Ones,” and my personal fav, David Guetta’s “Titanium.”

But when I first heard it was Sia who was singing these songs, I couldn’t figure out why that name was so familiar. I finally realized that I’ve heard her songs before, but they sound nothing like what she’s doing now. You might recognize “Breathe Me” or “My Love,” which is on one of the Twilight soundtracks (no shame).

She’s a vamp

I haven’t read or seen The Hunger Games yet (and I can’t guarantee that I will), but in the meantime I’ll just wait for the next Twilight. The first trailer for Breaking Dawn Part 2 came out yesterday and it’s two seconds long, but here it is if you missed it. I’m happy to report that the deer was recast.

Christmas movie: ‘Young Adult’

I forgot that the day after Christmas is unofficial “take your family to the movies” day, so my friend and I were not thrilled when our little afternoon outing to go see Young Adult turned into 20 minutes of waiting in a theater lobby filled with kids and parents flocking to see Tin Tin and teenage couples waiting in line for New Years Eve. Of course, the crowd made us anxious about tickets being sold out and being able to get good seats together, but when we walked in to our theater it was basically empty. Turns out nobody thought Young Adult would be a feel-good holiday movie. And it’s not.

- What a betch -

It’s classified as a “dark comedy” but it’s really more of just a “dark.” I was definitley not expecting Legally Blonde, which is why I wanted to go see it in the first place, but it’s a lot more depressing than I thought it would be. It has its funny moments and one-liners, but if you’re depressed, this movie might make you feel one of two things: glad to see a movie that doesn’t candy-coat life, or make you want to kill yourself. For me, I just have even less of a desire to visit Minnesota than I did before.

- Trying to create a parallel? It's a stretch, but they're both lost souls I guess -

Charlize Theron does a great job of portraying Mavis, a 37-year old writer who lives in a haze of booze, diet coke, sweat pants and E! reality TV. Mavis is the star of her hometown – the prettiest, most popular girl in school who moves to the “big city” of Minneapolis (joke?) and becomes the successful author of a “Young Adult” book series. At this point in her life, though, she is in the middle of a deep depression. She has failed at having a normal life – didn’t stay married or have kids – and she is writing the last book in her series, which has been canceled. In some sort of crisis, Mavis seems to revert back to the teenagers she’s writing about and decides that the way to fix her life is to go back to her hometown and win back her high school sweetheart, Buddy, who is now married with a baby (and sucks).

The only thing that seems off and out of character for Mavis is that she carries around a fluffy little dog. She seems too self-involved to care about another being and too cynical to appreciate something cute and fluffy. Although the dog could be a glimpse into how she used to be before she got so depressed.

Soon, Mavis’ depression and perpetual hangovers go from amusing and slightly charming to disturbing as she becomes more and more delusional until she has a public meltdown at Buddy’s house. Mavis’ whole mission was triggered by the baby announcement she got from Buddy’s wife, Esme from Twilight (who has an alarmingly large head), and we find out why during her meltdown. It turns out Mavis was pregnant with Buddy’s baby when they were young and she lost it. She feels like a failure for not being able to give him a child when this new woman can, especially on top of being divorced. “I had Buddy’s miscarriage,” she says.

After this, she basically is able to get out of her fog a little bit and she goes back to Minneapolis in her Mini Cooper that she crashed into a lamp post. What we don’t know is if she makes a change or if she goes back to her miserable coma-like existence.

- I'd have a mental breakdown too if Esme poured sangria on my dress just because she's wearing a heinous green duster -

I wouldn’t say I disliked the movie but if you go see it, just know that you’re not going to leave feeling hopeful and happy  – you might feel better about your own life though.

Breaking down ‘Breaking Dawn’

- holy slit, KStew (movie premier) -

I went to go see the highly-anticipated Breaking Dawn last Sunday but had no time to write anything about it. So, unfortunately it’s not fresh in my mind anymore and I won’t be able to provide an award-winning movie review, but I’ll tell you what I thought anyway.

Overall, I was entertained and I thought they did a good job of translating the book to the screen. Key points:

Acting: It’s no secret that Kristin and Rob create the most awkward dialogue ever portrayed in a movie – is this how they talk to each other in real life? For some reason, though, I seem to always forget just how embarrassing it is to watch – maybe I block it out like a traumatic event. Given this fact, the first few scenes of the movie are painful. If you haven’t seen it yet, beware of the pre-bachelor party conversation in Bella’s room.

Wedding: I thought they did a good job with the wedding scene – it was sweet but not as sappy as I was afraid it would be. Her dress was kind of cool, but the back didn’t really match the front. The thing I liked most was that they used Iron & Wine’s “Flightless Bird” for the kiss to mirror their prom kiss in the first movie.

Sex scene: After all the commotion, the infamous sex scene was not a scandal at all. Some may have been disappointed by this, but personally I’m glad it was toned-down and tasteful. Given the violent birth scene (which I will get to in a minute), a crazy sex scene would have completely taken the movie out of line with the vibe of the series.

- Wedding (Access Hollywood) -

Birth scene: I know this scene was gruesome in the book, but I could barely watch this part of the movie. There was blood and screams and cracking bones galore. I know they wanted to portray the scene accurately, but I could have done with a little less gore. This is Twilight not Saw.

Transformation: I really liked the way they handled Bella’s transformation from human to vampire with the montage of human-life events and the shots of her getting “prettier.”

- Jacob did this a lot in the movie -

All in all I can’t complain – nobody expect Oscar-worthy performances when it comes to these movies.

What should I wear to Twilight?

Breaking Dawn opens this Friday and I have plans to go on Sunday afternoon because no matter how much a love and support my hubby, Rob, I’d rather just get the cheaper ticket. Anyway, I have a serious problem because I had an outfit all planned out to wear to the movie, but this chick stole my thunder! Who is Lauren Pope and what makes her think she can take my sideless dress idea? Now I’m going to have to just wear jeans or something.

- If you need to hold your crotch to keep your dress on... -

Twilight gets sexy

- Kristen Stewart talks about "love-making" on Jimmy Kimmel -

Whenever there’s talk of the Breaking Dawn movie lately it’s all about the infamous sex scene. I am just as excited for this movie as any other Twilight nerd, and I don’t care who knows it. However, I’m getting bothered by all the weirdos who are obsessed with the “sex thrusting scene” as Jimmy Kimmel put it.

I happen to know for a fact that Stephanie Meyer is a complete loser based on the fact that I read her books. Sure, I may have read them and indulged in the fantasy – but she wrote it, so she loses/wins because she’s a millionaire. Anyway, for three books, we suffered with Bella while she got rejected by her teenage/old man boyfriend. And then all the frustration culminates in a ridiculous sex scene complete with broken beds and a vampire pregnancy.

This is stupid for three reasons:  a) 17-year-old boys don’t turn down sex even if they are vampires, b) broken furniture and bruises does not innocent romance make – you over-indulged, Steph, and c) everyone knows vampires and humans can’t make babies.

- Breaking Dawn still (Summit Entertainment) -

But all of this is fine. My beef is with the fact that all the movie people took this embarrassing grocery store-novel love scene and translated it onto film, giving the movie an R rating. Of course there was probably an uproar from studio executives who were foreseeing losing 97% of ticket-buyers to the “no one under 17 permitted” rule, so the sex scene was toned down and it’s now tween-friendly once more.

So where does one cross the line from R-rated sex to PG-13 sex? According to Kristin Stuart, it’s not in the “thrusting” but in the noise-making: quiet sex is appropriate sex. She also says that the scene is mostly close-ups (all her lip-biting practice will finally come in handy, I guess).

In preparation for all the close, quiet excitement here’s a countdown of the “steamiest” Twilight moments: Ted Casablanca’s The Awful Truth (E!)