“So…”(nothing good comes after that word according to Zefron in “That Awkward Moment,” but this is actually good – good in a “so bad it’s good” way.) This is how I spent my Sunday… I warn you, this is a really boring story.
My cousin, Lady C, visited from DC this weekend and she wanted to get some knock-off jewelry in China Town, so we decided to take the bus down. In my defense, I never go to China Town or take the bus…but that’s still not really an excuse for how the day progressed. What does this have to do with Zac Efron’s new movie? I’ll get there, but in keeping with the theme of my story, I’ll take a really roundabout way that wastes everyone’s time.
So…we took the bus down to some location in China Town and searched for street vendors. All we really found after an hour of wandering were fish stands and an indoor mall that offered nothing but math tutoring and jade (that’s not a racist joke. That’s literally all they had). So…we decided to head home. Lady C didn’t have a metro card so we got $2.50 in change from the pocket of a very nice Vietnamese woman and waited for the bus.
We got on bus #1 only to find that it was the express bus and apparently you have to buy your ticket ahead of time (again, I don’t do the bus). The driver took us to the next stop, where we waited in the cold for 15 minutes. Then Lady C. turned to me and asked “how do you know what side of the street to stand on?” I almost died – not only were we waiting on the wrong side of the street, but we had already taken the wrong bus in the wrong direction. We crossed the street and waited another 10 minutes in front of a housing complex where lady C. had once eaten french fries with a foreign boy when she was 18. Bus #2 came. We chased it. It was another “express.” We waited another 10 minutes. Bus #3 came. We chased it. It was another “express.” We couldn’t feel our extremities anymore so we snuck on and rode it for free.
So now the movie? No. We still have another 6 hours until then. Once Lady C. left, it was just Lady A and me, so we thought it would be nice to go get dinner and watch that new Zac Efron movie. We went down to SoHo and had a lovely meal at Cafe Select until it was movie time – “Let’s go see the movie in Kip’s Bay because we always go to Union Square and it’s right on the 6 anyway.” Idiots.
We started going down into the subway station and realized it was going downtown, so we crossed the street. After a couple stops on train #1, we were at the Brooklyn Bridge, last stop. How did this happen? I don’t know. So…we laughed at ourselves and got off to wait for the train on the other side of the tracks. Train #2 comes. After a few stops we realized we are at Wall Street. HOW did this happen twice? So…we got off at Wall Street, went above ground and paid again to get on the apparently elusive uptown 6. Train #3 comes – it’s the 5 so we take it to Union Square and transfer to the 6 again: train #4. Finally 30 minutes after the move has started we are in the right place. We walk 2 blocks in the wrong direction and then turn around and get to the theater. SOLD OUT.
Determined to see this movie after taking an underground tour of the city, we get back on the downtown 6 (train #5) and go to see it at Union Square. NOW, the movie.
1. It’s fine – all that would expect from a Zefron movie.
2. Zefron’s face looks bloated and his hands are puffy.
3. They go to Cafe Select twice in the movie – coincidence? Fate. (though the inside of “Cafe Select” in the movie isn’t the real interior).
4. The main girl in the movie is gross looking.
5. But I agree with her that having the key to Gramercy Park is super fancy in a good way.
6. Guys in their 20s are incredibly disgusting.
7. It was not worth $14.50, but I was thoroughly entertained. And at 10:15 on Sunday night, it was really the only kind of movie I could handle.