Happy Birthday Disney!


In honor of the Disney Company turning 90 today, I volunteered to put together a historical timeline/photo gallery for work because I have an obsession. It took FOREVER, so look at it!

Click HERE to see my masterpiece.

Also: Disney princesses and their voices

I also contemplated watching that weird horror movie that was shot secretly inside Disney parks, and surprisingly spared a law suit by Disney. But then I watched the trailer and decided it was way too bizarre – and rude. Bad things do NOT happen at Disney World – except for that one time I went in July and passed out waiting in line.

So instead of wasting my time on that garbage, I wasted it on this garbage:

Top 10 ladies of Disney

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Top 10 man ladies of Disney

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MY most influential people

TIME announced their 100 Most Influential People list today, and they have some cool people on it like Jay-Z and Mindy Kaling. But I really can’t imagine that Mindy Kaling is one of the most influential people in the world. I mean, The Mindy Project is funny but come on. Also, Jennifer Lawrence has only been super popular for like 2 days. It looks to me like TIME is just trying to be trendy.

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But who cares about who influences the world anyway. I’d like to share the top 10 women who helped shape ME.

10. Angelica from Rugrats:

Angelica taught me how to run the world

Bossing around babies like a boss

Bossing around babies like a boss

The price you pay for being awesome

The price you pay for being awesome

And I think she is subconsciously the reason I love donuts a little too much.

angelicaeatingcookies

9. Winnie from “The Wonder Years”

Winnie was so cool and pretty even though she was skinny-fat, and had awesome bangs.

tumblr_lu29v8WXEM1r4z5hmo1_500She also had Kevin obsessed with her for like 20 years despite this look:

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8. Amanda Bynes

This may be where some of my imperfections stem from…but back in her “All That” and “Amanda Show” days, she seemed like a worthy role model.

Amanda-manda-manda-manda-manda

Amanda-manda-manda-manda-manda

Whatever, She’s the Man was funny

she3

7. Cher Horowitz

I went to Catholic school, so I didn’t know any Jews growing up – all I knew was that according to Clueless, they’re fabulous. Cher’s wise words are still useful to me in everyday life, like, “She’s a full-on Monet…. From far away, it’s OK, but up close, it’s a big old mess.” And “It does not say RSVP on the Statue of Liberty.”

clueless-pic1Most importantly she showed me I can get out of gym class

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6. Melissa Joan Hart

Cher was fab, but Clarissa explained it all. Not only was MJH cool and witty in “Clarissa Explains” it all, which had the best opening credits, but then she became a witch.

I obvi was jealous of Sabrina because she was magical and could have actual conversations with her cat. Also, her aunts were the best parents ever – I kind of had a weird girl crush on Zelda.

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5. Spice Girls

I don’t know that I learned too many life lessons from the Spice girls, besides British is better and that I definitely want to zigazig-ah.

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But they did teach me a lot about fashion.

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4. Jewel

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Jewel was my downtime music. Every 10 year old needs some time to close the door throw on some Jewel and meditate for a while. There’s only so much Hanson music one can take after a long day of being humiliated in relay basketball at gym. Jewel expanded my vocabulary and showed me you can still be famous even if you’ve never had braces.

3. Britney Spears/Christina Aguilera

Frenemies

Frenemies

I lumped them together because they both taught me a similar lesson: If you want to be a pop star (which I do), get a flat stomach.

285911_oI already had the uniform though.

2. Gwen Stefani

NO-DOUBT-1Gwen was and still is the queen of all that is cool. She mastered angry girl music without being kind of scraggly and gross like Alanis.

1. All Disney Princesses

Untitled-1Above all, I strive to be classy and beautiful like a cartoon.

Beauty and the Beast, Cannibals and McNuggets

Tomorrow is finally Friday and I only have a half day of work because I’m off to New Hampshire to forgo 50 degrees of sunny weather at home and instead head to the snow and the cold – my favorite. But I’ll do anything for a massive party so I’m going. Anyway, in honor of this being the longest week of all time, I’d like to share some highlights.

Beauty and the Beast 3D

I still live for Disney movies so I don’t care if anyone thinks it’s dumb to pay $15 to go see a movie you’ve had on VHS for 14 years, I’m still going to go. I went to see The Lion King this summer and last night I saw Beauty and the Beast. It’s not the 3D that impresses me because I actually think 3D sucks – it hurts my eyes. But no matter how old I get, Disney classics still remain some of the best movies out there.

Beauty and the Beast, for instance, obviously teaches kids that beauty is on the inside, which is a nice lesson, but it’s also a prime example of why Disney princesses are the best. They are all strong-willed and independent (except maybe Snow White who is stupid and lives with squirrels) but they are still classic romantic heroins. I hate all these new Pixar girls always belching and being gross. Also, I never realized how funny some of the songs are. “New and a bit alarming” – you should be alarmed, Belle. You are falling in love with a nasty animal. Also, Miss Celine is on the soundtrack.

But I still cannot wait for Little Mermaid to be re-released. That movie was my biggest childhood joy and seeing it in theaters again may just be the highlight of my adult life.


Cannibal in CT

- Dude, eat some salad. (Photo: Contributed Photo\Bay County She, Contributed Photo / Connecticut Post Contributed)

I was trying to enjoy a chocolate croissant yesterday when I got the news that a local man had been arrested for killing and eating a homeless guy. He hacked poor Tun Tun up and then ate his eyes and part of his brain after telling his cousin he had a “lust for blood.”

“‘He said he had gotten a rare steak at a restaurant in Florida and when he had tasted the blood it had given him a sexual sensation,’ recalled Nicole Rabb, who helped police get a confession from Smith to the crime.” – CT Post

If this isn’t the most disgusting thing you have heard in a while, then I’d rather not know you. I still ate my croissant, though – I was in New Canaan so it cost me $5 and also it was delicious.

McNuggets

- Girl, eat some salad. (Daily Mail) -

To my surprise and dismay, it turns out idiots who eat nothing but chicken McNuggets for 15 years straight are not healthy. Has anyone reported this girl’s parents for child neglect and trashbag-ness? Who lets their kid survive on something that only in recent years has boasted being “all white meat,” and probably never actually claimed to be “all chicken meat”?

Hooked on chicken nuggets: Girl, 17, who has eaten nothing else since age TWO rushed to hospital after collapsing – Daily Mail

The Little Mermaid is my idol

- Totes do this in the pool all the time -

So it’s like a million years away, but Disney listened to me and decided to release The Little Mermaid in 3D in September 2013. I’m actually not a fan of 3D movies at all because they hurt my eyes, and also I’m well aware that it’s not real life – I don’t need to feel like Mufasa is in the theater with me. Anyway, I can’t wait to see Ariel on the big screen! I haven’t seen it in theaters since I was one. Literally – it came out in ’89.

Real-life Fox and the Hound story

I never liked the movie The Fox and the Hound because it’s just so sad that they can’t be friends! But a Greenwich foxhound, appropriately named Mama, is showing Disney that they don’t know what they’re talking about. She has adopted baby foxes as her own. These cute animal stories always get me.

“Call it an unlikely friendship.

Putting a foxhound and four foxes in a room together is not a situation you would expect to end well. As its name so succinctly suggests, the foxhound is bred to hunt and kill foxes.

But, as the case was at the LEO Zoological Conservation Center in Greenwich last month, nature doesn’t always follow the rules.

In a most unlikely pairing of animals, an American foxhound rescue dog named Mama nursed four North African fennec foxes for five weeks at the private zoo, located in backcountry Greenwich at Lionshare Farm.” – Read the full story from the Greenwich Time

- Greenwich Time -

- Greenwich Time -

Hollywood is preggers

- But You're Like Really Pretty -

The big news this Sunday at the VMAs (which I couldn’t watch because of Irene and couldn’t attend because of Pitbull’s entourage’s empty promises) was that Beyonce is pregnant! Holy superstar baby on the way!

She’s not the only one though. Jennifer Garner is pregnant again, but no one really cares about that. What I find slightly disturbing is that Disney channel stars are going to be popping them out all over the place. Hilary Duff is having a little Lizzy McGuire, which makes me uneasy because she’s my age and she’s married and having babes. Hilary Duff is so ahead of me in life…

- E! -

Brenda Song, from the Disney show The Suite Life of Zach and Cody, is also pregnant – with Miley Cyrus’ brother. First of all, I will be surprised if this baby doesn’t come out with Mickey Mouse ears. Second of all, Miley Cyrus’ brother looks nasty -what is this cute little Asian thinking. Third of all, Miley is going to be the worst/best aunt ever. I suggest miss Song limits Miley’s babysitting gigs unless she wants baby Cyrus to be a pole-dancing chain smoker by the time the kid’s 16.

Speaking of 16-year-olds, my little sister grew up watching that Zach and Cody show, but I guess it doesn’t hold that much of a special place in her heart. Her reaction to Brenda getting knocked up: “Good, maybe they’ll finally cancel that show now that their ‘high school students’ are getting pregnant.”

I Found Prince Eric’s House

I know Hans Christian Andersen was from Denmark, and the Little Mermaid statue is in Copenhagen, but the Château de Chillon, Switzerland HAS to have been the inspiration for Eric’s castle in Disney’s The Little Mermaid.

- Château de Chillon, Switzerland (Flickr:pearbiter) -

- Eric's castle -