New and revolutionary tips for looking #skinny

We all struggle with unflattering photos that make us look super chub. Until now I thought it was a hopeless cause – we’re all doomed to suffer from photographic arm fat, right? Wrong. The geniuses at Who What Wear have provided us with AMAZING tips for looking thin in photos (thanks to Lady A for alerting me to this). Since they already used the most visually-effective display on their slideshow….

Untitled-1I will use photos of Beyonce to illustrate some of their finer points. Whoever said these photos are “unflattering,” must not have known about the rules because Bey followed them to a T:

Put Your Hand on Your Hip

AMFOOT-NFL-SUPERBOWL-HALTIMEDon’t Tightly Press Your Arms to Your Body

armstobodyKeep Your Chin Up and Out

???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????Pull Your Shoulders Back

shouldersbackExperiment With Selfies to Find Your Best Angle

bestangleAdd a Filter

Screen shot 2014-04-10 at 1.26.58 PMSlightly Twist Your Body to the Side

???????????????????????????Avoid Bulky Clothing

bey-9Wear Dark Clothing

nobulkI just feel like….was this slideshow an April Fool’s Day joke? Who What Wear was created by former ELLE Magazine editors. I hope an intern did this.

Oscars 2014: Ellen wins

wiz

Best dressed

It was such a good move to have the always hilarious Ellen DeGeneres host last night’s Oscars because otherwise it was super boring. And apparently boredom is so hot right now because Gravity won everything except the only 5 awards anyone cares about.

ev2DuFxClearly the Academy just LOVED Gravity, but they were like we have to give the actor awards to Matt and Jared because they starved themselves, Lupita needs supporting actress because the masses will torch us if we don’t pick her, and we have to give Cate Blanchett best actress because she will personally torch us if we don’t. And then of course, Ellen already established why 12 Years a Slave had to win best picture:

“It’s going to be an exciting night. Anything can happen, so many different possibilities. Possibility No. 1: 12 Years a Slave wins best picture. Possibility No. 2: You’re all racists. And now please welcome our first white presenter, Anne Hathaway.”

Kiddinggg, I’ve heard it’s a great movie. I just have a low tolerance for guilt, so I haven’t seen it.

lupita-winAnd then, as with all things that start with Anne Hathaway, my eyes glossed over… so I’ll back track to dresses.

Lots of sparkles and nudes, which I’m okay with since my dream outfit is Britney’s “Toxic” jumpsuit.

Untitled-2Jennifer Lawrence looked nice in red, but she fell AGAIN. Is anyone else getting tired of this? I mean, girl, it’s endearing at first but get a grip!

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Thank God that motorcycle cop was there

Thank God that motorcycle cop was there

Of course, Cate Blanchett thinks it’s hilarious because she preys on the weakness of others.

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The sorrow in Jen’s eyes

Charlize Theron and Kate Husdon looked super fab.

Untitled-fabWhoopie Goldberg borrowed Julia Roberts’ grandma dress and it was….not cute.

86th Annual Academy Awards - ShowMatthew Mcconaughey, his wife and his mom floated to the red carpet on a cloud of beauty.

McConaugheyWin1Lady Gaga was there? And in a normal (albeit ill-fitting) dress?

rs_634x1024-140302172525-634.lady-gaga-oscars-030214Pharrell wore shorts like an idiot.

????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????And of course the talk of the town, Lupita, looked like Cinderella in a beautiful blue princess dress.

US-OSCARS-ARRIVALS

Screen shot 2014-03-03 at 12.16.29 PMEveryone is obsessing over this, and don’t get me wrong, I am definitely one to obsess over a Cinderella dress, but am I the only one who thinks this is not a good neckline for her? Being a proud member of the no-boob club, I am all for non-cleavage (i.e. Kate Hudson):

Kate-Hudson-Oscars-2014But Lupita is jacked and her chest looks like man pecs. I know it’s mean and no one will say it, but it’s true. She would have been better off with a slightly higher neckline. But on the other hand I guess I can’t hate anyone for looking like a perfectly chiseled sculpture.

Lupita-Nyong’o-In-Prada-Oscars-2014Inside the show, Ellen took an epic selfie, ordered pizza and then asked celebs to pay for it.

ellen-oscar-selfie

Lupita’s brother? Way to get front and center in the best photo of all time – you win.

To pizza guy: "Who's your favorite celebrity? They're here."

To pizza guy: “Who’s your favorite movie star? They’re here. Who you want to talk to?”

My boyfriend Leo didn’t win anything, but that was to be expected. His movie about partying with hookers was up again slavery and AIDS so I guess it would be kind of rude to have him win.

At least they have each other

At least they have each other

And my girlfriend, Margot, didn’t even show! I stand corrected. Margot was there, I just didn’t recognize her because she RUINED herself!

article-2571527-1BFA22ED00000578-318_634x825What is she thinking?? This better be for a movie, role and that movie role better be worth it.

OH I almost forgot the best part of the whole show:

And that’s the end. I leave you with some of Ellen’s finest:

“You should think of yourself as winners. Not everyone, but all of you that have won before should.”

On Dallas Buyers Club: “It deals with the serious issue of people that have sex at rodeos. Speaking of people that have sex at rodeos, Bruce Dern is here tonight.”

Throwback middle school joke to Jonah Hill: “No I don’t want to see it.”

“For those of you watching around the world, it’s been a tough couple of days for us. It has been raining. We’re fine. Thank you for your prayers.”

“I’m not saying movies are the most important thing in the world because we all know the most important thing in the world is youth.”

Some Oscar slideshows:

Winners and Losers

Red Carpet

Golden Globes: I only care about the dresses

The Golden Globes were somewhat entertaining last night. Tina Fey and Amy Poehler made fun of George Clooney and Leonardo DiCaprio, Diane Keaton sang a creepy song for Woody Allen, Bono snubbed P. Diddy, and “Gravity” is apparently a good movie? Still not seeing it.

Diane in a pant suit? Shocker

Diane in a pant suit? Shocker

Anyway, the dresses:

– Some girl named Lupita from “12 Years a Slave” was all the rage in her cape dress. Yes, it’s a good dress – but Gwyneth kind of already did that.

rs_634x1024-140112152343-634.lupita-nyongo-gwyneth-paltrow-cape-dress-011214– Olivia Wilde showed us the right way to be pregnant

olivia– Drew Barrymore showed us how to look like a puffy Valentine’s Day card. She also announced that she has spent the last 20 years taking pictures of “heart shapes” in different things and publishing them in a book….

drew-barrymore– Emma Watson looked perfect, and I’m loving her black-tie reinterpretation of the skort.

emmawatson– Zoe Saldana wore this hideous thing, and basically told E! that she only wore it because her friend made it for her

zoey– This happened, woops:

Emma Roberts, Sofia Vergara

Emma Roberts, Sofia Vergara

I love both dresses, but the chunky blue throws me off…why is it a thing?

My girlfriend looked good – and she’s Australian, who knew?

Margot Robbie

Margot Robbie

– I know she’s America’s sweetheart and all that right now, but I’m sorry – Jennifer Lawrence looked disgusting. I give her worst-dressed because, as the biggest star of the year she should know better. She managed to find the single most unflattering silhouette, and then she paired it with awful lipstick and random green earrings?

jennifer-lawrence-poll.jpg.xxxlarge– Luckily for their movie, Amy Adams channeled the “American Hustle” vibe and looked a hundred times better.

amy-adams– At least Jen redeemed herself by ruining Taylor Swift’s moment

Screen shot 2014-01-13 at 11.05.17 AM

It’s almost time!

Halloween is tomorrow, and I’ve already watched Hocus Pocus so I’m in full spirit. But if you STILL don’t have a costume because you’re boring, you can do what I did and reuse an old idea – but with a new vision.

I love my pumpkin costume, but I’ve already worn it twice, so this year I decided to change it up a little by attaching strobe lights to my body.

The essential for this costume is obvi my pumpkin-top head band – best thing I’ve ever made.

photo[1]Then I stocked up on light-up necklaces from CVS…

photo[6]…Got some safety pins and a friend who wasn’t afraid to pin lights to my boobs

photo[3]

And voila! Epilepsy pumpkin was born:


photo[5]

photo[4]

Sorry I’m Fly

Halloween came a little early for my ladies and me last weekend. So if you still haven’t found a costume, here’s some inspiration from Ally.

All you need is a Forever 21, a TJ Maxx, a street vendor, a vision and all of this can be yours:

photo[1] photo[3] photo[4]

The final product:

photo photo2 photo3What exactly is she dressed as? Whatever you want her to be….

Ghetto Harry Potter

Ghetto Harry Potter

Halloween tips from your friendly HR team!

I regrettably do not belong to the Society for Human Resource Management, but lucky I have a man on the inside. That man is HR professional extraordinaire, Ally.

the-office-halloween-party_600x400Thanks to her membership to this exclusive underground society, I’ve been granted access to this important piece of literature: “Can the ‘Naughty Nurse’ and Modern Workplace Coexist?”

In preparation for Halloween falling on a week day, I’d like to break down some of the main points:

HR managers and employer attorneys offer the following advice to companies that want to create policies for Halloween costumes and parties:

1. Provide examples of inappropriate costumes for the workplace, such as costumes that exaggerate body parts, those that reveal too much of the body, men and women dressed as the opposite sex, terrorist get-ups, or ethnic, religious or race-based costumes.”

Here are some examples of BAD costumes according to SHRM:

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2. Caution employees of hospitals or other health care organizations that images of ghosts, graves, skeletons and blood don’t go over well in health care settings.”

The “naughty nurse” could be confusing in a hospital setting.

I am unsure which one of these is my real nurse

I am unsure which one of these is my real nurse

This is offensive to the guy who actually looks like this

This is offensive to the guy who actually looks like this

3. Request that workers avoid donning political costumes that could be offensive.”

 

4. Be careful with topical costumes, and don’t chase people. “Wearing a ‘pink slip’ over clothing and chase co-workers around might not be funny given the current unemployment rate.”

pb-111031-ows-01.pinkslip-750x4845. And the trick to getting Halloween off:

If Halloween offends some workers, offer to let them work at home or take the day off.”

I HATE IT, and I'm going home

I HATE IT, and I’m going home

Here’s some extra reading if you want to be SUPER informed:

Allowing Halloween Costumes at Work Can Be Tricky

Halloween Celebrations Can Lead to Scary Situations 

Invite me to the ball

CindyStairs sm[1]Ball gowns cheer me up when I’m sick, so I was happy to turn on the TV last night just in time to catch Cinderella getting her dress and making it to the ball. But then I remembered there was a real-life gala happening so close, yet so far away from me (the curse of NYC) right in town. Unfortunately not too many of the gowns cured my nausea.

A few people actually participated in the punk theme, like Christina Ricci who is totally irrelevant, but looks kind of cool like a Tim Burton character.

punkEven SJP rocked a mohawk-inspired head piece – also known as a gladiator helmet. I like it.

sarah-jessica-parker-met-ball-2013-red-carpet

Then there was an abundance of black cut-out dresses. I give this round to Miranda Kerr.

cutout

New hair-dos were debuted, like Nicole Ritchie’s Ursula-inspired grandma hair.

Nicole-Richie-In-Topshop-2013-Met-Gala

I regrettably don’t hate Anne Hathaway’s blonde look. If I had been living under a rock since the Princess Diaries and saw her for the first time here, I’d say she looked good – however she just can’t pull the look off because it clashes with her sad personality.

annehathaway

The Olson twins showed up as the good and wicked witches.

olsonsKristen Stewart looked nasty and Kim K looked like a floral balloon.

Kristen-Stewart-In-Stella-McCartney-2013-Met-Gala1367888475_168190127_kim-kardashian-zoom

Nicki Minaj was confused and unamused.

nicki_minaj_met_gala_18ognv7-18ogo0s

And WHY is Sandra Lee always invited?!

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