Grammy Awards 2013: Quality Entertainment

Despite opening with the dumbest performance by the dumbest performer in recent history (I’m talking about Miss T. Swizzle), last night’s Grammys were awesome. Although I could have done without hearing “Suit & Tie” 900 times during the show and the commercial breaks.

My performance was sepia-toned

Back to Tay Tay for a minute. First off, what was the “Academy” on when they decided “We are never ever everrrr getting back togetherrrrr” should be a contender for ANY award? Second of all, I don’t understand or appreciate the circus-themed performance. Third of all, she used a British accent in her performance, clearly mocking whats-his-face from One Direction. Stop publicly calling out all your exes, Taylor. No one is ever on your side – everrr everrrr.

I’d rather look at the clown. And your hair looks stupid.

Another slightly confusing yet totally mandatory performance was Bruno Mars and Sting together singing that Police Bruno Mars song, “Locked Out of Heaven.” I’m really glad we got it out of the way and acknowledged that the song was a rip-off, but the two of them together is uncomfortable.

Eew.

Then there was that poor kid Hunter Hayes who kept getting nominated for things and #notwinning anything. I don’t know who you are beyond deducting that you are country music’s Justin Bieber, but I’m sorry that you lost everything, and that even when they let you perform on a scratched up piano they only gave you enough air time for one verse. #hunterhayesproblems

Dresses:

Obvi Ri-Ri was the night’s winner for the second Grammys in a row. Massive forehead and abusive boyfriend aside, she looked gorgeous in her red dress.

I still love 2012’s pre-underboob-tattoo black dress.

I also loved her 70s getup for the Bob Marley tribute. Although I was ready for some serious nip slips every time she lifted her arms in that crop-top.

Kimbra looked like a fairy, and I liked it.

Kimbra

Florence Welch looked like Reptar, and I didn’t like it.

Reptar

Then there was Carrie Underwood and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamdress (p.s. I thought I was really clever coming up with this reference – turns out the rest of the word did too…). When she first stepped on stage I was a little appalled that she chose to re-wear 2005’s junior prom during her performance, but I was willing to forgive. Then I was confused when weird squiggles started appearing on the skirt – and then I was right back at appalled when scenery and roses were projected onto her. Finally, sweet relief when the dress took flight in the form of one hundred monarch butterflies – and it was all over.

That’s the ugliest effing dress I’ve ever seen

I was confused again when the crowd gave her a standing ovation, but then this guy looked straight into the camera and validated my horror with a look that says “Did you see that? Seriously?” This guy stole the show:

Also, when I die I’d like to be reincarnated as Mavis Staples.

Mah gurrl, Mavis

No, I didn’t watch it

And by “it” I mean the Academy of Country Music Awards – mostly because I don’t particularly care about country music or who receives its awards. I do care about stars on the red carpet, so I looked through some pictures and decided to give props to Miss Tay Tay Swift.

I usually like to hate on her because she’s super annoying and her teeth are too big. But she actually looked very pretty at the ACM Awards and her dress was really unique.

Don't actually click for more red carpet pics.

LeAnn Rimes, on the other hand, looked like a hot mess circa 2002.

Woof.

Why Taylor Swift should not be a Cover Girl

This has been bothering me for a while. I don’t think I need to say much on the subject, just watch the commercial and look at the photos. Not good, Tay. Not good.

Country Music?

- Taylor Swift, New Jersey 2007 -

I have never liked country music, and I definitely would not call myself a country music fan. However, I am recently finding myself enjoying some twangy tunes. It may have all started about four years ago when I was talked into going to a Faith Hill and Tim McGraw concert (free ticket, why not). The opening act was a new teenage country singer from Pennsylvania who was starting to get some buzz – that’s right, good old Tay Swift before she made it big.

Anyway I picked up some songs I liked from that concert. That must have left a dormant soft spot for country music in me that was awoken in light of a recent trip to Texas. And that’s my theory for why I have not been switching the dial on the country station lately.

Here are some of my old and new favorites in no particular order. Please excuse the cheesy music videos – that’s just how they roll in cow country.