Polar vortex?

So the North Pole and Canadians are supposed to keep all the cold air (so polite), but this year they had enough and that’s why it’s so cold….or something like that. I read like one sentence on this.

Def. Rob Ford's fault

Def. Rob Ford’s fault

Anyway all I know is I now have a new weather character to hate: The Polar Vortex. Sounds mean.

The Vortex joins friends like Irene:

Hurricane-irene-bo_1981702i

Sandy:

grease-sandy-Favim.com-238046Nemo:

nemo-300x169And that nameless Halloween blizzard:

TrickOrTreat-5Hercules was a weak snowstorm so he didn’t make this list

Ryan-Gosling-Young-HerculesWelcome, Polar Vortex

tumblr_lwmohbi15h1qaurswo1_500But it’s no excuse to look ragged: Your Polar Vortex fashion guide

 

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So into JFK right now

Oh, hey there! I didn’t die – SURPRISE!

I realize that may have been insensitive given the topic of this post – but I just meant “long time no see.”

dallas-kennedy-news-11-23-63

Anyway, today is the 50th anniversary of John F. Kennedy’s assassination. If this is news to you, you are obviously living under a stupid rock because there have been more TV specials about it than I know what to do with. J(f)K, I know what to do with them -TIVO!

I'd vote for Rob Lowe

I’d vote for Rob Lowe

I’ve been staying up late like a weirdo watching documentaries about conspiracy theories and traveling back in time with Rob Lowe and Ginnifer Goodwin. Although, Michelle Trachtenberg definitely steals the show in “Killing Kennedy.” Is she actually fluent in Russian, and did she gain weight for the role or just because she peaked at Harriot the Spy? So many questions.

I know you're still sad Rosie O'Donnell is no longer your nanny

I know you’re still sad Rosie O’Donnell is no longer your nanny

But to lighten the mood, I’d like to commemorate Jack Kennedy with his greatest reincarnation: Clone High (Again, insensitive? Whatever).

Stuff I stole from work:

Front Page headlines

Life in 1963

JFK: A life in pictures

Ode to Sandy on her birthday

hurricane-sandy12There’s this girl I hate. She ruined my life (and Halloween) exactly one year ago today. This is her story.

First we got the news that she was coming

3qysp9And since I AM THE NEWS, I was summoned to work 18-hour days while everyone got a week’s vacation…

Stolen from Alyssa

Stolen from Alyssa

But the great rains were coming

374129_10100939441473641_1896298660_n

East River

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East River

So I had to evacuate my home and become a refugee in Williamsburg where Sandy didn’t even bother to go because she’s such a betch. All the way to Brooklyn on a week night, no way.

Screen shot 2013-10-22 at 4.55.20 PMBut we were running out of supplies and had resorted to eating disgusting pies. And since the bridges and tunnels closed, and the subways flooded, we were forced to walk home on Halloween day to restock.

Post-Sandy rainbow

Crossing the bridge

Crossing the bridge

Lower Manhattan was not a pretty sight

Lower East Side has Indian food!

Lower East Side has Indian food!

Stuy Town, USA

Stuy Town, USA

But we came out of it eventually

Post-Sandy rainbow

Post-Sandy rainbow

Thanks to our leaders

....Back when Mitt Romney was relevant

Mitt Romney jokes were so in at the time

And we got a nice rent abatement. So happy birthday, Sandy. Thanks for the memories.

Finding Nemo

If you haven’t heard, it’s going to snow. Not just any blizzard, though. According to weather.com it’s going to be a “historic, crippling blizzard.” Being part of the media, I usually defend it, but not this time. Stop scaring us! I’m afraid of 2 inches let alone a “thunder snow storm” named Nemo. What is that name anyway? Nemo is a tame tropical fish. This thing should be called Nancy. Because anyone named Nancy sounds like a real B.

Get our of here, Nancy. You’re tacky and I hate you.

images-finding-nemo-g

I found you!

RIP Dear Abby

Dear Abby died today at 94. Since I don’t need advice ever because I’ve been blessed with superior intelligence and intuition, I have never read a Dear Abby column. Also, I’m not old – so that’s the real reason I have never read a Dear Abby column.

Anyway, I was intrigued by her first-ever published piece of advice and I have found my new dead idol after Audrey Hepburn.

Screen shot 2013-01-17 at 4.18.06 PM

Lifetime Movie: Rob Lowe Loses

I think that show “My Life is a Lifetime Movie,” was a very clever move on the part of Lifetime. They recognized that their movies are jokes and the guilty pleasures of many a 13-year-old girl, and they went with it. “Please tell us how your life sucks so much that it might be good material for a Lifetime movie.”

Anyway, Casey Anthony’s prosecutor’s life sucks so much that they actually are making it into a Lifetime movie – starring Rob Lowe! One point for him. “Prosecuting Casey Anthony” premiers in January, and I’m not saying that I’ll watch it, but I’m definitely not saying that I won’t.