Gaga frolics with Housewives at Hearst Castle

gagaguybirdI know I’m late on this but Lady Gaga’s new video – sorry “ARTPOP film” – is like someone saw into my fever dream. The song is called “G.U.Y,” which stands for “girl under you.” I definitely see this becoming a household acronym.. it’s the next PYT. (Um, April Fool’s).

Anyway, I’m really only bothering to talk about this at all because A. It’s filmed at Hearst Castle, which is my dream home. I’m hoping I can make my way up the corporate ladder and eventually become queen of the castle.

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B. the Housewives of Beverly Hills cameo…LOL. The housewives band is both creepy and hilarious. Lisa would never agree to be the tambourine player in real life. She would obviously refuse to be anything less than manager, and then quit to manage Scheana’s pop-stardom.

lady-gaga-rhobh-guy-videoKim and Kyle look super happy with their guitars. They should start a folk band and Paris can play remixes of their song “Grumpy Old Man” in Ibiza.

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Yolanda can obviously play all classical instruments. I wonder if David My Love was asked to play piano but declined because people would be singing along.

I just wish Brandi was in the band instead of witchy woman Carlton, but Lisa probably told her she can’t sit with them.

And then Andy Cohen is Zeus, which is accurate.

lady-gaga-video-01Other thoughts:

The first thing I thought when the video started, was that Kanye already did this. I hate to say anything in Kanye’s favor, but he made a “music video film” that starts with a wounded bird woman way back in 2010. Find your own niche, Gags.

Kanye's bird vs. Gaga's bird

Kanye’s bird vs. Gaga’s bird

Also, I get the “pop art” thing with the reality TV and lyrics about tweets (“Love me, love me. Please retweet”) – but Legos? Do we really need to keep going with this “Legos are so hot right now” thing that’s going on? Legos being a la mode reminds me of when Andy Cohen called out Rachel Zoe for calling sliced bread “un-chic.” He really is playing God and laughing at all of us sipping from his “Mazel” chalice (available at shopbybravo.com).

screen-shot-2014-03-24-at-10-11-33-amAlso, he looks like the sun from Teletubbies all grown up.

ttlBabySunRisingThe one thing I enjoyed: Gaga’s lyrical genius. “Venus, Aphrodite lady, Seashell bikini, garden panty.”

Sweet garden panty, Gaga

Sweet garden panty, Gaga

 

Let’s talk about…pop music?

I don’t get it. Should I be getting it?

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I obviously like to keep up with Miley Cyrus’ latest video ventures, so I watched this Big Sean video starring half-naked Miley and some roses. I thought she might have a part in the song at some point, but clearly, it makes more sense to just have her move sexually in slow motion without actually singing. I mean, now that I actually say it, it kind of does make sense because her voice is not cute.

But still, why Miley? I’m so sick of her.

Moving on, Lady Gaga is back. Congratulations. Since her last album came out I decided she’s the worst, but I wanted to see what kind of weirdness she came up with. At first I thought the video for “Applause” was pretty tame for Lady Gaga.

She wears a hand bra, a really ugly Mad Hatter outfit…

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…and then turns into a #pone. But it’s still not that disturbing.

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But then….remember when she hatched out of an egg at the Grammy’s that one time? Well she does it again, but this time she looks like this:

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and this:

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You’re welcome for the nightmares.

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-butyourereallypretty.com

-butyourereallypretty.com

Xtina playing dirrty?

Stills: Christina Aguilera, “Your Body;” Beyonce, “Party”

I don’t really know how I got sucked into watching Christina Aguilera’s video for “Your Body,” but I did. I understand that it must be hard to reshape your image – being a genie in a bottle isn’t going to cut it anymore – but is imitation really the highest form of flattery, or is it just imitation?

It immediately reminded me of Beyonce’s “Party” video with its trailer trash motif, and it’s also reminiscent of Lady Gaga’s “Eh, Eh” video with its vintage pink haze and array of wigs.

And speaking of Beyonce and Lady Gaga, the whole plot of the video is killing men – sounds like “Telephone.” Basically the whole thing is bits and pieces of been-there-done-that. Christina, remind people that you can out-sing everyone on the radio right now, and stop trying to out-sex Beyonce and out-weird Lady Gaga. You won’t win at that.

*Side note: I apologize to Christina for suggesting that she wasn’t actually supposed to be in the new Pitbull song, “Feel This Moment,” (JK I don’t apologize, that was funny). But she is in it and it’s GOOD…mostly only because I lurve A-Ha.

You do you, Dev

So I’ve been loving Dev ever since “Like a G6” – she basically makes that song. And I love her new song “In the dark.” But I recently watched the video and all I have to say is: holy Gaga hands. Usually I criticize Lady Gaga for ripping people off, but this time she’s been robbed of her stupid little claw-hand trademark.

I know you are trying to be cool and quirky and off-beat, Dev, but copying someone else who also tries to be those things kind of defeats the purpose. How are you going to use Gaga’s signature monster claw/paw/contorted hand and pass it off as your own?

Even the “But You’re Like Really Pretty” guy (yes it’s a guy) used those hands for his submission in some Lady Gaga contest. That’s how “Gaga” they are.

WATCH IT:

 

Another good one:

Oh Gaga…

Lady Gaga tweeted a photo of the cover for her new single “You and I,” and it’s interesting…

I guess I give her props for taking a new route – the man route. At least it’s not another crazy half-naked, spikes-in-the-face look.

The masculine look is nothing new; Madonna (Gaga’s muse whether she admits it or not) did the whole short hair, suit-and-tie-thing a long time ago. But Gaga takes it to a new level by dressing up as her alter ego “Jo Calderone.” I mean, they did a good job – she really does look like a straight-up dude, and not even a good-looking one. But does Lady Gaga really need an alter ego to spice things up?

I do kind of like the song “You and I,” though. It has an Elton John feel, similar to “Speechless,” which I also like. The girl just loves Elton John and Madonna.

Check out the absolutely bizarre video:

Live piano performance of “Speechless” HERE

(I understand that she’s inspired by Elton, but does she really have to sing like him?)

In the market for weird-ass shoes?

I was looking around on the Free People site and decided to look at their shoe selection…turns out you don’t need to shell out thousands to get some Gaga kicks, you can get some for about $200. Check these babies out:

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Click HERE to see all their shoes.

Edge of Consciousness

The first thing I did when I came into the office today was go online and see that Lady Gaga’s “Edge of Glory” video came out last night, so I decided to check it out. I don’t really want to make a tradition out of commenting on every single Gaga video but I feel obligated to say something about this one – it’s really boring.

I’m already half asleep at 9:00 in the morning and this video nearly had me with my head on my desk. It’s just three minutes of Gaga gyrating around a movie-set city block in a bizarro dominatrix-meets-biker-chick outfit and bad hair. It’s more than a little reminiscent of the Michael Jackson and (surprise, surprise) Madonna videos of the 80’s. And then there’s the rando saxophone player sitting on a stoop making an already terrible song even worse.

I get that maybe she is trying to do something different by toning it down and making it more about the song than an elaborate video. And I can sort of see how running around the city and climbing fire escapes portrays the feeling of being on the ‘edge of glory.’ But can’t she at least look pretty while she does it and not touch herself so much?

In conclusion, if I could do my morning over again I would not start it by watching this video.

Need help getting to sleep? Watch: