Am I old?

The best toys were choking hazards

I don’t usually watch American Idol, but I stumbled upon it last night and got hooked. I was really disturbed by the fact that some of the song choices were Mariah Carey’s “One Sweet Day” and “Can You Feel the Love Tonight” (although he ended up going with another Mariah song). It’s not that I was disturbed by the lameness of these songs, it’s that the theme was “songs from the year you were born”!

How is it possible that someone on American Idol was a fetus when The Lion King came out? I may have only been in second grade in 1995, when the youngest contestant was born, but I remember it well. That was right around the magical time that I discovered MTV and got a cassette player.

At first I was grossed out by it all, but then I felt bad for them. They missed out on some prime music years in the mid ’90s. That 1995 girl didn’t even realize that she could have sung one of the greatest angry girl songs of all time: “You Oughta Know.” They also missed out on all of this: 175 reasons why being a 90s girl rocked our jellies off

I was curious to see what choices I would have had from 1988. It was a cheeseball year for music with hit songs like “Never Gonna Give You Up” and “Got My Mind Set On You.” I probably would have just shown the judges how much swag I have and won the competition with my rendition of “Wild Thing.”

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Twilight gets sexy

- Kristen Stewart talks about "love-making" on Jimmy Kimmel -

Whenever there’s talk of the Breaking Dawn movie lately it’s all about the infamous sex scene. I am just as excited for this movie as any other Twilight nerd, and I don’t care who knows it. However, I’m getting bothered by all the weirdos who are obsessed with the “sex thrusting scene” as Jimmy Kimmel put it.

I happen to know for a fact that Stephanie Meyer is a complete loser based on the fact that I read her books. Sure, I may have read them and indulged in the fantasy – but she wrote it, so she loses/wins because she’s a millionaire. Anyway, for three books, we suffered with Bella while she got rejected by her teenage/old man boyfriend. And then all the frustration culminates in a ridiculous sex scene complete with broken beds and a vampire pregnancy.

This is stupid for three reasons:  a) 17-year-old boys don’t turn down sex even if they are vampires, b) broken furniture and bruises does not innocent romance make – you over-indulged, Steph, and c) everyone knows vampires and humans can’t make babies.

- Breaking Dawn still (Summit Entertainment) -

But all of this is fine. My beef is with the fact that all the movie people took this embarrassing grocery store-novel love scene and translated it onto film, giving the movie an R rating. Of course there was probably an uproar from studio executives who were foreseeing losing 97% of ticket-buyers to the “no one under 17 permitted” rule, so the sex scene was toned down and it’s now tween-friendly once more.

So where does one cross the line from R-rated sex to PG-13 sex? According to Kristin Stuart, it’s not in the “thrusting” but in the noise-making: quiet sex is appropriate sex. She also says that the scene is mostly close-ups (all her lip-biting practice will finally come in handy, I guess).

In preparation for all the close, quiet excitement here’s a countdown of the “steamiest” Twilight moments: Ted Casablanca’s The Awful Truth (E!)

What’d I Miss?!

Sunday was my birthday so I did not watch the MTV Movie Awards because I was busy getting presents. But apparently I really missed out. Seems that my main man Robert Pattinson stole the show with some tequila-induced antics including an uncensored f-bomb and a man-on-man kiss (mid-day margarita/s, Rob)?

I can’t believe I missed that beauty getting so much air time! Hopefully I’ll catch a re-run.

– International Business Times (click for more pics) –

Here’s a re-cap written by someone lucky enough to have watched it:

“If you tuned into the MTV Movie Awards Sunday — sorry, I meant the Robert Pattinson show — you know everyone’s favorite teen vampire was on a tequila-fueled roll.

Pattinson locked lips with “Twilight” costar Taylor Lautner and said some generally odd things during his many trips across the stage, including an an uncensored f-bomb while introducing actress Reese Witherspoon.

“I didn’t cut you out, but I did (bleep) you,” he said about their roles in the film “Water for Elephants.”

(Hey, look, MTV — my censorship button is working just fine.)

Pattinson was cut from a scene in a Witherspoon movie years ago.

Wonder what’s going on with good-old Edward? Here’s what he said of his behavior while presenting Witherspoon with an MTV Generation award: “Tequila is like a Lay’s potato chip. It’s impossible to have just one.”

I guess that explains that.

Pattinson’s behavior got stranger as the show progressed. At first it was just an awkward interaction with actress Bryce Dallas Howard while accepting an award for best fight scene in the movie “Eclipse.”

“I ripped your head off,” Pattinson said. “And now you’re pregnant.”

In the audience, his “Twilight” costar Kristin Stewart covered her face in embarrassment.

After Pattinson and Stewart accepted an award for best kiss,” Pattinson declined an on-stage smooch.

“I just think there’s someone else in the audience who will appreciate it a little more,” he said.

Then Pattinson jogged out to the audience and planted a wet one on on-screen nemesis Taylor Lautner.

Let’s not blame Pattinson. Let’s blame MTV for letting him spend so much time on stage.” – Hot Topics