Polar vortex?

So the North Pole and Canadians are supposed to keep all the cold air (so polite), but this year they had enough and that’s why it’s so cold….or something like that. I read like one sentence on this.

Def. Rob Ford's fault

Def. Rob Ford’s fault

Anyway all I know is I now have a new weather character to hate: The Polar Vortex. Sounds mean.

The Vortex joins friends like Irene:

Hurricane-irene-bo_1981702i

Sandy:

grease-sandy-Favim.com-238046Nemo:

nemo-300x169And that nameless Halloween blizzard:

TrickOrTreat-5Hercules was a weak snowstorm so he didn’t make this list

Ryan-Gosling-Young-HerculesWelcome, Polar Vortex

tumblr_lwmohbi15h1qaurswo1_500But it’s no excuse to look ragged: Your Polar Vortex fashion guide

 

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Finding Nemo

If you haven’t heard, it’s going to snow. Not just any blizzard, though. According to weather.com it’s going to be a “historic, crippling blizzard.” Being part of the media, I usually defend it, but not this time. Stop scaring us! I’m afraid of 2 inches let alone a “thunder snow storm” named Nemo. What is that name anyway? Nemo is a tame tropical fish. This thing should be called Nancy. Because anyone named Nancy sounds like a real B.

Get our of here, Nancy. You’re tacky and I hate you.

images-finding-nemo-g

I found you!

Draught brings April flowers

You would think a scary rain cloud like that would bring on a downpour, but it actually just dropped a few wimpy drops. With that being the extent of the rainfall so far this spring and today being the first 90-degree April day that I can remember, I would have thought plant life would be crunchy and dead. But the flowers and trees are blooming anyway…

I also like to wear April flowers on my scarf.

Groundhogs don’t know a thing about climate change

- We have things called TV weathermen now -

Happy Groundhog Day, I guess.

So the stupid thing saw his shadow today, which means we have six more weeks of winter. But, I don’t believe that – mostly because a groundhog’s shadow is complete irrelevant – but also because this year is different from all the rest. We had a snow storm in October, but it was 60 degrees on February 1st. Just because today feels like winter again doesn’t mean it won’t be 80 and sunny next week. The weather has proved that it’s going to do what it wants to do, and it has been in my favor so far with a basically snowless winter. I’m going to go ahead and say that I don’t see any shadows on this cloudy day, so Spring must be on the way. Get over yourself, Phil.

- Only time I liked winter this year. Lake Winnipesaukee, NH -

What’s your problem, nature?

- Incorrect -

I have a serious beef with Mother Nature this year. First she sends that huge B, Irene, to ruin the last weekend of summer and now she’s trying to kill Halloween weekend with snow. Snow.

First of all, did she forget that this is Connecticut, not Canada or like…Minnesota? Snow happens in the winter, not the fall. So, you can imagine my extreme horror and confusion when I read this:

“A winter storm watch has been issued by the National Weather Service for Northern Fairfield County. The watch is set to begin Saturday afternoon and end Sunday morning…. a major storm is expected to blow through the state, bringing with it rain, several inches of snow and winds — 60 miles per hour in some areas — as high as those measured during Hurricane Irene, Simmons says. According to Simmons, the shoreline will see between 3 to 6 inches of snow, while inland areas, including the Danbury region, could see from 6 to 10 inches of snow.” –News Times

- Like I said, this isn't Canada -

I can’t think of a worse day for this snow-hole to come around. Not only do I have to wear a little dress and peep-toes heels to a wedding, but I was planning on getting my Peter Pan on afterward. Is my lack of 4-wheel-drive really going to hinder my ability to go out for Halloween? And also, doesn’t the snow know that Halloween costumes are supposed to be skimpy? That’s why the pagans decided Halloween should be in the fall.

The best part of this whole thing is that it’s going to be sunny and lovely on Sunday and Monday, meaning that this is a deliberate attempt on nature’s part to ruin adult Halloween. The kids will be safe for trick-or-treating on Monday, which is unnecessary because their moms make them wear turtlenecks under their costumes anyway.

In conclusion, I am asking the snow to please stick to the original plan of “light dusting.” Or better yet, just stay the F away from me!