Staten Island Adventure

Daytripping in Staten Island, duh

Daytripping in Staten Island, duh

Last September, upon moving to the great city of New York, Erin and I decided to explore one of the city’s classiest gems – Coney Island. A couple weeks ago, we thought we were overdue for an adventure so we took a little trip to Staten Island – also classy.

There she is. The majestic Staten Island Ferry

There she is. The majestic Staten Island Ferry

Semi-unrealted, at work we have started using an app called Videolicious. It’s an app that let’s you make videos on your phone and “share your story.” I wanted to test it out but needed a story, so I went with our Staten Island adventure. Before I show you my 53-second masterpiece, I’ll share the background story. I could have done this as a voice over in my video, but that’s really awkward.

It was a beautiful Sunday and we could have laid out and tanned, but a free ferry ride to Staten Island seemed like way more fun. I was imaging myself as the trashy Olsen in It Takes Two.

Little Betty Buttkiss

Little Betty Buttkiss

First we made a pit stop at Battery Park so Erin could get somewhat close to the Statue of Liberty. We tried to do that thing people do when they squish landmarks. We weren’t that good at it. Then we watched a Jewish lesbian wedding. Then we headed toward the ferry station.

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When the flood gates opened, we were corralled onto the boat with the masses – and by masses I mean hundreds of small children. There was no deck, so we all stuck out heads out the windows like dogs in a car. It was kind of enjoyable until my eye started watering uncontrollably – but the view was nice.

Anxiously awaiting the luxury ocean liner.

Anxiously awaiting the luxury ocean liner.

photo[4]photo[f]Twenty-five minutes later we were in beautiful downtown St. George. We made a pit stop at the “visitors’ center” and grabbed a map that showed us the town’s attractions and places to eat (good joke, Staten Island). But first, we hung out with all our fellow boat friends and took photos in front of the Manhattan skyline. This is the best we could get from the bitchy foreign girl who took our photo:

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After this, I don’t know where everyone disappeared to. We walked over to the baseball field that seemed to be important to everyone, but it was deserted. So we went to do a loop around town and find somewhere to eat.

We soon discovered that Staten Island comes equipped with San Francisco-style inclines and stagnant air. But most importantly, they take Sundays very seriously. Everything was closed. Not a soul in sight. A couple buying pizza. That’s it.

We walked around keeping an eye out for tumble weeds and all we saw were closed businesses and ghetto delis. Should I be having fomo right now? Is everyone somewhere I don’t know about? Probably civilization where I came from. Then we came across the court house, which had glitter strewn all over the front steps and realized the whole town must be hung over from the rave they had the night before.

Great trip

Great trip

At this point we were sweating and sufficiently creeped out so we checked the time. Three minutes til the next ferry. We sprinted. Made it. Survived. Stuck our heads out the window and never looked back.

Enjoy some memories of the barren streets of St. George to my favorite tune, “beebop”:

‘The Way, Way Back’

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I went to see The Way, Way Back this weekend A. because it’s 100 degrees in NYC, so there’s not much else to do, and B. and more importantly, because the movie was shot and is set somewhere very familiar to me.

Lady Erin’s family has beach houses in Duxbury, MA on Green Harbor Beach, where Mr. Steve Carell’s family also has a beach house (how posh, Erin). So, presumably, this is why his new movie is set at this very beach.

Here are some photos of the movie being filmed last year, taken by a real-life Duxbury native and fellow Ryan:

Photo: F. Ryan  Filming the party

Photo: F. Ryan
Filming the party

Photo: F. Ryan Steve Carell

Photo: F. Ryan
Steve Carell

Photo: F. Ryan Allison Janney

Photo: F. Ryan
Allison Janney

Anyway, many a beach party has been held here, so we had to go watch it on the big screen. And, I’m happy to say it would have been worth seeing even if the setting was a stranger. The movie is done by the people who did Little Miss Sunshine and Juno, so it has that quirky indie vibe – and it’s a lot more hilarious than I imagined it would be.

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I missed the very beginning, so I walked in at the scene when Steve Carell is arriving at the beach with his girlfriend, Toni Collette and her son. They are greeted by the outrageous Allison Janney, who basically steals the movie. She manages to be just inappropriate and crazy enough to be totally believable as a real person, yet way more entertaining than most people you know. It helps too that she has a son with an extreme lazy eye that she always makes fun of.

“I don’t know where you’re looking. You have to point!”

The lazy eye actually just makes her kid even more awesome. No 8-year-old I know, let alone one with a crazy wandering eyeball, would show up at an adult party and say “I’m going to go mingle. I’ll circle back.”

The-Way-Way-Back-Review_t614The point of the story is that Steve Carell is a d-bag and makes Toni Collette’s painfully awkward 14-year-old son miserable. When he gets to “spring break for adults,” he is even more miserable so he rides a Barbie bike to Water Wizz, the local water park. Here he ends up bonding with the adult staff, and puts on an embarrassing display of break dancing moves – it becomes a coming of age thing and it’s all very sweet.

www-annasophia-robb-us-AnnaSophia-Robb-for-The-Way-Way-back-Trailer-annasophia-robb-34215474-1200-645He also meets a girl and her bitchy teenage friends who say really accurate things like “I don’t get her face.”

I highly approve of this movie. Go see it.

Erin’s comments on authenticity of the location: “Never have I ever ridden my bike to Water Wizz – because it’s in Plymouth.”

Photos of the place:

Life in the 305

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I’m gone from the beautiful sunshine of Miami and back into the less-beautiful sunshine of the Northeast. But I’m happy to report that the #PonesMIA (trending domestically) trip was a success and even included an F-list celebrity encounter of the Bravo kind.

I was hoping to rekindle my friendship with Pitbull and/or meet a Real Housewife of Miami, but I got the next best thing – a real (ex)househusband of Miami. My ladies and I decided to go to the “very exclusive, getting in is half the battle” Mynt Lounge where Joanna had her famous meltdown on the Real Housewives.

Ally and Romain

Ally and Romain

This is where my lady’s wildest dreams came true and she met the owner of Mynt and Joanna’s former fiance Romain – who is super hot for 40, and I know he’s 40 because he kept screaming it.

That's Romain - but he's 40.

That’s Romain – but he’s 40.

It really wasn’t that hard to get in to Mynt, but the key is you have to have a table or be a girl and mooch off the DJ and his friends. Also, Bravo did a great job with the camera angles because the club is way smaller than I expected, and it’s completely carpeted and smells kind of like feet. But it was fab anyway.

Other observations: SLS makes you feel like Alice in Wonderland in a good way, Story is very air-conditioned and huge and I don’t remember much else, and Wet Willies is apparently not for white people. Also, the men are not ashamed of an occasional thing bathing suit.

Photos (credit given where credit is due, mi pones):