Lyrical Genius (Vol. 10)

khloe-kardashian-x-factor-mac-duggal-dress-charlotte-olympia-ursula-sandalsI was on my way to get my hurr did after work last night, and the radio dj started saying something about Khloe Kardashian being kicked off of X-Factor and something else about “listen to the new single from the X-Factor winners!”

I was too busy thinking about my future highlights to pay too much attention, so I don’t actually know if they were the winners or not – what I do know is that these little dweebs have a single about how much of a loser Khloe Kardashian is. They must have some nerve. I mean yeah she’s kind of an Amazon and has been called a dude on multiple occasions, but she’s still way more famous than these stupid kids.

Read the lyrics to “Chloe” by Emblem3 and tell me these baby d-bags don’t need a reality check. They may or may not have won the X-Factor while Khloe was fired for showing her nipples and generally sucking at the job, but I still don’t think she’s looking for reassurance from the spawn of One Direction.

THE X FACTOR:  Emblem3

Emblem3…..

Chloe, I know your sister turns everyone on
But you’re the one I want
But you’re the one I want, yeah

Yeah, front page magazine
Everybody says that she’s the queen
But that’s you to me
And I just want to let let you know that
She likes the flashing lights
I love the way that you like candle lights
Stay close by my side
I just want a chance to show that

If only you could believe in yourself the way I believe in you

Although, props to whoever wrote this song for the Kimye referece, “she like the flashing lights.” HERE is a link if you want to listen to the song, but I can see what links people click on from my blog, and if I see that you listened to this song, I will judge you.

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At the same time, though….Khloe’s not doing herself any favors…

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Pregnant is so in right now

- Just stop -

I realized today what I’ve been doing wrong this whole time: not being with child. Based on a long-standing trend in media – culminating in two key items today – I have come to the conclusion that my not being pregnant has seriously hindered my journey to fame.

If I were pregnant, I would be able to take advantage of Bravo coming to Stamford to cast for “Pregnant in Heels.” “Pregnant in Heels” is an awful show and Rosie Pope sounds half British, half mentally retarded. But still, if I could be on her show, I would be one step closer to being biffs with Andy Cohen and getting my own show.

However, another story that caught my eye today has brought on a concern with this whole pregnancy thing – besides the having a baby part of it. The Duggar baby machine is pregnant with baby number 20. I cannot truly believe that this woman actually wants 20 children – she is a human, and humans are not supposed to have litters. I know she doesn’t believe in birth control, but she is obviously unnaturally fertile so I think by baby number 10, God would have granted her permission to buy condoms. The only logical reason she would keep popping them out is that she is a fame whore and wants not only more seasons of her show, but regular name changes as well.

Not only that, but she is delusional. The 45-year-old said “I’m really in better shape than I’ve been in 20 years.” How could you possibly know that? Your eggo has been preggo for the past 20 years.

So the real dilemma now is how to go about handling this situation. If I don’t bite the bullet and get knocked up, it could be years before I’m famous. But if I do, I might get addicted to baby making.

I think my best bet is to just befriend Kim and Kourtney when they come to take New York. Then I can weasel my way into that family and they can set me up with ass implants and an athlete to divorce.

The girl does gowns well

Kate Middleton showed up at the British Academy of Film and Television Arts (BAFTA) gala in LA on Saturday in yet another pretty princess dress this time by Alexander McQueen.

- Getty Images -

- Getty Images - Seriously, though, go for that second crumpet once in a while...holy 2-inch waist.

Click HERE for a slideshow

On a semi-related note, Kim K was looking cool this weekend too. I’m loving this retro outfit she wore for her fragrance commercial (according to Style List).

- Getty Images -

FINE, I’ll do a Casey Anthony post

I haven’t posted this week because basically my life is boring, and because the only thing going on in the news this week has been the Casey Anthony trial. I have been trying my hardest to avoid writing about it because really there isn’t that much to say. But, I give in because it’s just to hard not to acknowledge it.

I will keep it short though. My opinion on the case should be the same as any rational human being’s – it’s a sucky situation and a disgusting story, but it is what it is. Everyone is 99.9 percent sure she killed her daughter, but that’s just not enough especially when someone could be sentenced to death. The fact is she is innocent until proven guilty – and that’s guilty beyond a reasonable doubt – and they just could not find any concrete proof that she did it. It had all literally rotted away. People can criticize the legal system all they want, but we are so lucky in the United States to have these laws in place. Sure every now and then someone “guilty” (umm OJ…) might walk free, but I will take that over convicting people based on hearsay and shotty evidence.

The one thing that bothers me most, though, is that she didn’t take the stand. I think that’s where they would have caught her. She is the only one who knows what really happened, and the fact that she didn’t testify looks shady to me. Wouldn’t you want to tell your side of the story if you were being falsely accused of murder? I think she would have cracked under pressure and slipped up. She prides herself on being a good liar, and she is a good liar, but she knew that if she went up there her lies would fall apart.

Basically, this woman either got really lucky or committed the perfect crime (or maybe she really didn’t do it) because she got off with 4 years in prison for providing false information, with credit for the three years she already served and for good behavior so she is getting out NEXT WEEK! In the end, it’s just a sad story and murderer or not, Casey Anthony is a sick woman. Who would wait a month to report their child missing and go party in the meantime and get “la dolce vita” tattooed onto them? She may have won, but she will be hated forever. Even her own parents said they were disappointed that she didn’t get more jail time.

And one more thing: leave Kim Kardashian out of it. The poor idiot can’t even Tweet about national news without getting beat up on. Just because he father defended OJ Simpson does not obligate Kim to root for the bad guy in all trials. I get what people are saying – how can she be outraged that they are letting a guilty person go free when he father did the same thing back in ’95? Well that’s just it. it was her father not Kim, and it was 1995 – Kim was just 15, what did she really know about what was going on? Give her a break, I mean does it really matter what Kim K has to say on the topic anyway? Let’s just consider ourselves lucky that none of the Kardashian sisters (or brother) decided to walk in their father’s footsteps and go into law.

ADDENDUM: Well I am impressed with myself. This post sounds very similar to Harvard Law Professor, Alan Dershowitz’s, article on the case in the Wall Street Journal. Maybe i should consider a new career path…