I realized today what I’ve been doing wrong this whole time: not being with child. Based on a long-standing trend in media – culminating in two key items today – I have come to the conclusion that my not being pregnant has seriously hindered my journey to fame.
If I were pregnant, I would be able to take advantage of Bravo coming to Stamford to cast for “Pregnant in Heels.” “Pregnant in Heels” is an awful show and Rosie Pope sounds half British, half mentally retarded. But still, if I could be on her show, I would be one step closer to being biffs with Andy Cohen and getting my own show.
However, another story that caught my eye today has brought on a concern with this whole pregnancy thing – besides the having a baby part of it. The Duggar baby machine is pregnant with baby number 20. I cannot truly believe that this woman actually wants 20 children – she is a human, and humans are not supposed to have litters. I know she doesn’t believe in birth control, but she is obviously unnaturally fertile so I think by baby number 10, God would have granted her permission to buy condoms. The only logical reason she would keep popping them out is that she is a fame whore and wants not only more seasons of her show, but regular name changes as well.
Not only that, but she is delusional. The 45-year-old said “I’m really in better shape than I’ve been in 20 years.” How could you possibly know that? Your eggo has been preggo for the past 20 years.
So the real dilemma now is how to go about handling this situation. If I don’t bite the bullet and get knocked up, it could be years before I’m famous. But if I do, I might get addicted to baby making.
I think my best bet is to just befriend Kim and Kourtney when they come to take New York. Then I can weasel my way into that family and they can set me up with ass implants and an athlete to divorce.