Back in Boston

I’ve been lacking in posts lately because I’ve been feeling very uninspired and lazy – probably because it’s summer and I’d rather be on the beach.

Anyway, I had my first full Boston weekend in a long time this week. I’ve been doing one-night trips lately, but in summer tradition, I had to dedicate a full 2 days to the lesser of this area’s two great cities (just saying). It’s also tradition that I write about these weekends, so here it is. Boston weekend round-up:

“I can ride on mi pone.”

Nasty Pony. A very important part of my trip this weekend, was a little guy named Pone. I’m not saying you HAVE to buy an inflatable unicorn/anteater in order to have fun in Boston; I’m just saying that you should.

Clubs and gay friends. When I think Boston, I think Irish pubs (among other things), but a good thing to do is go to a club with a couple gay guys because this makes you fabulous. You will probably meet mostly unattractive people, but the flashing lights and faux snow/glitter make everyone look better. If you get overwhelmed, you can go on an adventure to the bar next door, but it will probably not be fun. You will also meet a lot of foreigners at a club because, after all, those Euros love clubbing. And this brings me to my next point…

My late-night Chinese boyfriend.

Australians. Boston in the summer is crawling with Irishman and Australians, so it’s in your best interest to befriend at least one because, if you don’t, you may need to wait a whole year for them to come back. Last year, I ate mac and cheese on the curb in front on 7-11 with a couple Irishman. This year, I chose late-night Chinese food with an Australian. All I can tell you about him is that he ordered sesame chicken and he has never seen a kangaroo. Upon learning this, I decided he was not a very good Australian so I finished my dumplings and went home.

Emerald Lounge

Tacky lounge. Sometimes you find yourself sans entourage, but as long as you have one lady on your side, adventures await. On a night like this, you should just go into somewhere you’ve never been; choose the first place that catches your eye. Naturally, the first place that caught our eye was the one that was glowing green: Emerald Lounge. This ended up being a brand new Wizard-of-Oz-themed 50s/80s/Pulp-Fiction-esque bar and lounge with a patio that you could only sit on if you ordered an olive plate. The martini glasses were embellished with emeralds and they offered you your check in a light-up book. Unfortunately, we were not able to soak in all the kitsch (as my mom would say) decor because we were verbally accosted by men and had to move on.

Lobster. If you want to be classy, you have to eat lobster twice in one night. Surprisingly, lobster BLTs are delicious and you can get one at 2am for only $7. It’s a great way to come full circle on a night that started with a lobster dinner.

Tip: On a semi-unrelated note, if your feet hurt in your heels, you can get free Band-Aids from the pharmacist at CVS. I think this goes for any city, but I could be wrong.

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I didn’t eat meat and it was easy etc.

- I'm going to make an outfit out of all the meat I didn't eat this week -

This week was vegetarian week and it’s barely even worth mentioning because I really didn’t alter my diet at all. I don’t eat a lot of meat to being with and I allowed myself fish, so really I would have to do this for an extended period of time before I actually started craving a burger.

On Monday night I went to a Lebanese restaurant and ordered a pasta dish with shrimp and basically a week’s worth of vegetables, and the leftovers gave me lunch for the next two days. For dinner I had things like spinach lasagna and fish and vegetables.

So seeing as there’s not much else to say, I will talk about my calorie counting hobby instead. I have never believed in calorie counting as a diet method because it’s not the healthiest way to eat. You can stay under your calorie goal but be eating crap or maybe you just eat one big meal and starve yourself the rest of the day. I’ve always believed that the only good diet is just eating natural, healthy food and cutting out junk food (I’m not saying I do that; I’m just saying you should). So why am I countinig calories then? Because it’s fun.

Maybe I am a control freak as someone pointed out last week, but it’s become my new favorite hobby. I’m not letting it run my life, but it is forcing me to eat a little healthier. It makes you realize how many empty calories you eat without noticing. The second I eat a donut or have 2 glasses of wine, I might as well eat peas for the rest of the day (but I don’t because I hate peas). I find myself planning my days out – if I know I’m going to eat an awesome unicake after dinner, I eat super healthy for breakfast and lunch.

- The unicake -

And on the weekends when I know I’ll be drinking a third of my calorie allowance in vodka-soda-crans, I just give up because I know I won’t be staying under my limit – especially when I try to be good and buy a lean cuisine panini as a drunk snack and it’s still over 300 calories. Lean my ass.

- Why does this photo exist? -

 

How to <3 College (Part 2)

It’s time for the second and final installment of the “How to <3 College” advice column. I know, the suspense has been building, so let’s just get this done.

5. Class: The biggest adjustment from high school to college is probably the fact that class is basically optional. The first thing you have to do when you start your classes is assess whether or not you actually have to go to each specific class. You pretty much know you don’t have to go if the class is a gen-ed, if the professor teaches from the book and/or if it’s in a large lecture hall with 200 other people. If you do skip, will you be able to get by without reading the chapter? And if not, is skipping really worth forcing yourself through pages and pages of that book you spent $300 on? (Speaking of – text books are usually a huge waste of money). My advice is: if it’s not raining, snowing, or bitterly cold, go to class. I, personally, found it a lot more bearable to sit through class than to read the book, and you will feel better about your life if you actually get up and go do something. Also, if you didn’t drink coffee before, you are going to have to start now. After a couple weeks you will find that a 10 a.m. class is an early-morning class, professors are boring, and you can’t run on 4 hours of sleep and a hangover alone – so get used to drinking coffee.

- Standard flip-flop casualty in the middle of campus -

6. Spring Break: You can’t go off into the real world without at least one spring break under your belt. It will be like a black hole in your time line of life events if you don’t. “So where were you the week of March 10 2015?” “I don’t know, home with my parents, I guess.” LAME. The way to successfully execute spring break is to relocate your college campus to a tropical location. Chances are your spring break will fall on the same week as a handful of other schools’ and you will all end up at the same cheap resort resulting in: college on an island. Spring break is a judgment-free zone. You have a week-pass to do whatever you want and no one will judge you because you’ve been gorging yourself on watered-down rum for 5 straight days, so you are obviously not thinking clearly. You always know who didn’t go on spring break by their lack of tan when you get back to school. It was a very painful time in my life going back to campus after spring break just as sickly-white as I left it (minus a few tanning bed sessions) freshman through junior year. But as I found out senior year, there’s nothing more redeeming than being a bronzed goddess among pasty freshman.

- Much better than laying out in the quad -

7. Graduation: There is nothing more depressing than the impending doom that is graduation. Second semester senior year is a double-edged sword. The more time passes, the warmer it gets, and the closer you get to the end of the year, the more fun you have – but in the back of your mind you know the dreaded graduation day is closing in on you. By this time in your college career, you’ve gained enough life experience to know it’s never going to get any better, so being forced to leave is your biggest nightmare. Graduation day isn’t actually so bad because it’s kind of exciting and you get to wear a dress, take lots of photos, drink champagne, and get presents and praise. It’s once the ceremony and the family dinner is over that it hits you – the only part of college that isn’t over is the huge debt you’ve accumulated and have no way of paying off because you’re jobless since your unpaid internship gave you a pat on the back and said “good luck” and you blew all your savings on boxed wine and Dubra. The proper way to handle this is to go wild graduation night and party like it’s your last night as a college student – because it is – but know that the good life isn’t really over. Sure, now that you’ve graduated you’re going to have more responsibilities and life won’t be a walk through campus (literally) but as long as you keep in touch with your friends and don’t turn lame, you still have eight years until you turn 30, so life’s not over yet.

- Dazed eyes? -

8. You won’t “find yourself” in college: Just so you’re prepared for post-graduation limbo, I’ll let you in on a secret – college is not a soul-searching experience. All the hype of going off to college, leaving the nest and growing up has led us to believe that college is the time when we go from stupid teenagers to self-realized adults. False. College is basically just high school’s way more awesome older sibling. You still live off your parents, your “job” is an unpaid internship and, therefore, a joke, all you do is party, you go home 3 months out of the year for summer vacation and you don’t even have to go to class if you don’t feel like it. So basically all the things that make college amazing are also all the things that make college just a four-year pit stop on your way to growing up. Of course, you have to make some life decisions like (hopefully) choosing a career path unless you want to be a super super senior, but mostly you just coast through life. Once you graduate and leave the bubble, that’s when it all comes crashing down on you. Suddenly you feel pressure to be a real person. It was fine to sit around being a waste of life before because you were “in school,” but now when people ask you what you do, you feel kind of stupid saying “I live at home and do nothing.” In a matter of weeks, you’re grown up, you need a job, you can’t wait to move out, and you find yourself questioning every little detail of your life. My advice for dealing with this: You’re going to have to wait on that because I’m still there.

How to <3 College (Part 1)

- That's not all gonna fit in your dorm (CT Post) -

This is my second September not going back to school, which is is is a big deal seeing as for 17 years September meant back to school time. I’m used to the idea now, and I’m fine with being a working lady instead of a co-ed lady, but this morning at Dunkin’s I overheard a woman on the phone with her daughter. They were discussing lofted beds and whether or not her crates gave her enough storage. How was she getting along with her roommates? Is the new position of her desk working out? All of this made me really nostalgic, so I decided to share some knowledge I accumulated over the 4 years of my college education with the current college kids of today. Of course, this is all just my experience, but it’s not like I went to some weird little private school – I went to a huge state school so, percentage-wise, I think most people will be able to relate to the following words of wisdom.

But first, for anyone who doesn’t think college is a good idea: unless you can’t afford it or want to become a hair dresser, it’s a good idea. Yes, you get a degree which is the key to a career BUT mostly you get to put off real life for 4 or more years. This is your one opportunity to do nothing but hang out with your friends all day long, drink your weight in cheap vodka every weekend and not be looked down upon, live on your own and not pay for it, work/go to class for minimal hours a day, choose to start your day at noon, and the list goes on and on…

1. Roommates: Not everyone can be as lucky as I was and meet lifelong friends the second day of freshman year or become best friends with a randomly-assigned roommate. But regardless of when or how you meet them, your college roommates will become the best friends you will ever have. Spending almost 24 hours a day together leaves you no choice but to get to know each other better than you know yourself. You will learn what foods they don’t like, what size shoe they wear, if they gained one pound, what time of day they pee etc. etc. Do not lose this friendship after graduation. No matter what happens, there is nothing more comforting than knowing that you have people out there that would stop everything if you needed them. And if you lose touch, you might miss out on drafting an official paper-plate contract vowing to go on vacation together every summer – it’s legit if you all sign it.

- First ever photo of my roommie in our freshman dorm. Note the bare walls and sweet cell phone circa '06 -

2. School Spirit: Do I care about football? Absolutely not. Do I care about tailgating? Hells yeah. When you go to the type of school where athletes are excused from class because the professors’ salaries depend on whether or not they make a touch-down, you have to have school spirit. You must invest in various t-shirts and sweatshirts – luckily there are lots of opportunities for freebies. You must tailgate at football games, and this means going all out – a grill, a beer pong table, Baileys in your Dunkin coffee. And get used to drinking at 8:00 a.m. Also, when your roommate is a baton twirler, school spirit becomes personal.

- Tailgating, yo -

- OMG Seniors -

3. Freshman 15: The freshman 15 is real, but it’s more like the college 15. You will gain weight freshman year, and you will remain at a slightly pudgier-than-high school weight for the remainder of your time in college. Blame this on nasty dining hall food and “no time to go to the gym” all you want. We all know the real culprit is binge drinking followed by binge eating. This is pretty inevitable, so just accept it and don’t let yourself get too fat. The pounds will come off again after graduation when you stop eating because you’re so depressed that you’re not in college anymore.

- I dare you to tell me not to eat these -

4. Halloween: The single most important holiday for a college girl is Halloween. Costume preparation begins at least a month in advance, if not immediately after the previous Halloween has ended. Costumes usually involve some sort of theme with your roommates, but they don’t have to. Don’t go for the pre-packaged costume at the Halloween store, that tells people that you don’t respect this sacred holiday. Word of caution to freshman: it’s easy to get swept up in the “it’s the one night of the year when it’s okay to dress like a slut” theory. This is true to a certain extent – go for some extra cleavage, or a really short skirt, or a suggestive theme. But choose wisely because by senior year you WILL regret attending a frat party in a bra and underwear with wings and calling yourself an “angel.” Luckily, I didn’t make that mistake, but I’ve seen it, and it’s not pretty. Remember girls, that philosophy was born before Facebook.

- We brought the Spice Girls back before they brought themselves back -

To be continued….

How to have a great LADIES day

I had such a great weekend with my Boston ladies followed by a hilarious Monday wine-night with my home ladies. So, I was thinking about what an epic LADIES day it would be if all of my recent lady activities were combined into one super-sized day.

Here’s how it would go:

  • Spend all day frying at the beach.

  • Go home and watch Hot Tub Time Machine (totally underrated movie) while swigging pinot grigio and eating oreo ice-cream-sandwiches.
  • Follow that hilarious movie with something equally hilarious (more so due to the pinot) such as an episode of Rocko’s Modern Life – I recommend the one where he goes to Paris. Side note: why did 90s cartoons consist of so much screaming?
  • Put on your hot-girl disguises and make your way through rough cobble-stone-terrain in heels to get your dance on and give randos your number.

- Mischa Barton follows this formula -

  • Top off your night by walking to 7-11 at 2 am to microwave some frozen Stouffer’s mac and cheese and eat it outside on the curb. Offer some to the group of Irishman that inevitably finds you because that’s what happens in Boston.

Happy Birthday to ME!

Sunday is my favorite holiday – the day my existence began!! Yayy, I’m talking about my birthday! So everyone wish a happy birthday to me, Mark Wahlberg, and Spanish pop sensation David Bisbal. We will all be another year older and another year fabulous this Sunday.

Here are the two jams I’m really feeling for my bday weekend:


Also here are some (pretty accurate) character descriptions of people who were born on June 5 – taken from a very unreliable source called “Birthday Discovery and Opinions.”

  • You thrive on adventure and change. Routine is something you cannot stand. You tend to be very progressive, imaginative and adaptable. You become bored and restless easily because you are a bit of a rolling stone.
  •  You can be impatient and impulsive. Nothing can stop you from making progress in your love life. Once you are in love, you feel the ownership of your lover. A third party only makes your jealousy becomes worse. Don’t overindulge your senses in sex.
  • Because of your extreme confidence, you hardly ask others for opinion. However you can work well with others unless there are too many restrictions. You believe in leading your own life, and you have got the gift in doing so. In fact, you have a talent for promotion, public relations. Don’t get overwhelmed by the enormity of what you have to do.

Okay, now time to booze it up with mah ladies! See ya when I’m 23!