Adele has an Oscar

Adele is my age and she has a million Grammys, and an Oscar and a husband and baby….I found a surprise $20 in my wallet this weekend.


Anyway, the Oscars last night were kind of boring and Seth MacFarlane was really awkward and not funny so I didn’t stay up for the whole thing, and I missed Argo win and Jennifer Lawrence fall.


What I did see is Kristen Stewart arrive hung over and on crutches with bruises on her arms. I’d like to give her the benefit of the doubt and say maybe her presenting was so bad because she’s on pain killers for her mysterious injury, but I know it’s more because she just don’t curr. A shower wouldn’t kill you though, girl.


Sup, girl?

I also saw Paul Rudd and Melissa McCarthy accept the award for the worst hair duo ever, Catherine Zeta Jones got wild on stage and Anne Hathaway regrettably won an award for being Mis.

Speaking of Anne Hathaway, let’s talk about her early millennium un-chic dress. It was nasty, and her hair is nasty (Charlize owned her in the man hair department). I just don’t understand why anyone would choose a dress that looks like something your mom made for you to wear to prom in 1997 in the most unflattering color of all time. Also, stop accentuating your sad drooping shoulders.

Looking at her makes me sad.

On the Jennifers: I just want to mention that people thought Jennifer Aniston’s dress was boring, and they’re right. But I thought it was nice to see her in a ball gown instead of a slinky dress with strappy sandals.


Jennifer Lawrence won best actress and fell up the stairs on her way to accept. I like her more and more every time. Her dress was okay, but it kind of looked like a couch. her dresses have been pretty boring this award season.


When is she going to bring this back?

Jennifer-Lawrence-At-The-2011-Oscars-Red-Carpet-450x382Then there were a lot of sparkles, which is always good.


More recap HERE


Valentine’s Day soundtrack

Everyone is obviously painfully aware of their own romantic status every single day of the year – whether you are single or not. But on Valentine’s Day, the whole world is painfully aware of whether you are single or not based off whether or not you are waiting in line at Walgreen’s with a teddy bear and a box of chocolates or with a single-serving size bag of chips. (Side note: When did Walgreen’s become the place to buy your girlfriend a gift?)

Whatever kind of Valentine’s Day you’re having, here’s a song for you.

If you’re trying to steal someone else’s man (in honor of Whitney, of course):

If you’re obsessed with a total d-bag:

If you’re trying to make someone fall in love with you (OG Bob Dylan):

If you’re totally happy, getting married and this is your favorite holiday (OG Stevie Wonder):

If you’re really sad about a girl:

If you’re just trying to get slutty:

Some thoughts on the Adele show, 2012

– But You’re Like Really Pretty –

So the Grammy’s were last night and the Academy should have probably just created one huge Grammy in the shapely shape of Adele and given her the award for “only CD we listened to all year.” I mean I’m pretty sure they gave her “best rap song” and “best regional Mexican or Tejano Album.”

I’m not going to hate on Adele because she obviously has an amazing voice and her performance was a classy break from Katy Perry’s flame throwers. It’s just that “Rolling in the Deep” came out like a year ago and anyone who has ears or a radio probably wants to destroy one of those two things whenever that song comes on. Yes, I listened to it on repeat when it first came out – “OMG Adele totally gets me!” – but I’ve moved on since. Anyway, I still love Adele and I didn’t even mind having to hear a new “fank you” speech from her every 2 minutes. My latest favorite song of hers is “Right as Rain” from her old album.

Now that I got Adele out of the way I will talk about the greatest atrocity of the night – the exorcism of Roman. What was that?

– Sorry, Gaga. You might as well have worn khakis and a polo shirt –

If Nicki Minaj’s goal was to out-bizarre Lady Gaga, I think she did it – and she did it in exceptionally poor taste. The whole performance was just a huge theatrical disaster. I think Nicki Minaj is awesome and she has such a unique style of rapping and singing that she just does not need to create a sacrilegious monstrosity to get noticed.

– Forgive me father for I am a dungeon dragon –

– Sexual Ri Ri –

I did, however, like Rihanna’s performance of “We found Love.” I thought the dance moves were kind of cool and she looked cute in her little crop top. She also looked super gorg. in her red carpet dress. She wasn’t sounding her best, though when she sang “Princess of China” with Chris Martin. And he also seemed to be struggling during his entire performance, and I could have done without the thrusting motions towards the piano.

The Whitney Houston tribute was nice especially since they obviously had to put it together at the last minute. Jennifer Hudson gave me chills, but nobody can do it like Whit could.

Lastly, the whole dance music extravaganza was a big disappointment. I was really excited for it and I thought it was a great idea seeing as music has gone so Euro in the past couple years, but it kind of made me feel like I was watching the Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Awards. Then the Foo Fighters came on, which made no sense at all. Deadmau5 kind of fixed it, but only kind of.

Last thoughts: Is it weird that I thought that Beach Boy was an attractive grandpa, and did Taylor Swift’s teeth grow?

HuffPost Performance Recap