In honor of St. Patrick’s Day, I pay homage to my paler side with pros and cons of being Irish.
1. We’re light on our feet
3. Drunk uncle is not just an SNL character
5. We’re made out of marshmallows and magic
1. Pasty pink skin, yum
2. Irish food is terrible…I don’t mean the disgusting things I found Googling Lucky Charms:
I mean this:
3. Your last name is so boring and common that on St. Patrick’s Day, the idiot bar tenders can’t even keep track of all the same-name tabs and they give your card away to someone else who probably lives in Hoboken (I know you live there, Michael Ryan, and I know you have my credit card).
4. You had nightmares thanks to those little laminated prayer cards with frightening biblical images on them. I’m pretty sure I used the Angel of Death as a bookmark for most of middle school.
5. Our mouths are too small for our teeth
Happy St. Patrick’s Day!!