Wise words for kids

This is Pone

I’ve been feeling inspired to write a children’s book. My first idea was something along the lines of “Goodnight, #pone” inspired, of course, by my whimsical pal, Pone. Then on Thanksgiving I thought maybe a good book would be “See dad, see mom, see dad become mom” inspired by someone my dad works with. I’m not the only one with really great book ideas, though. Here are some educational gifts for the chillun in your life:

For the problem child:

K is for Knifeball: the Alphabet of Terrible Advice

Only give this to your child if he/she has a surprisingly ironic sense of humor. Advice such as “D is for drifter who’s out on your lawn, invite him inside when your parents are gone,” is not meant to be taken literally.

For the kid on Ritalin:

Go the F**k to Sleep

Sometimes your little ones just need some tough love and the soothing voice of Samuel L. Jackson on a book-to-tape to lull them to sleep.

For the product of an unfortunate situation:

The Night Dad Went to Jail

Well this is sad.

For the existentialist child:

Would You Eat Your Cat?

I saw this at a book store and thought it would be a great tool to test a kid’s morals with philosophical questions that might make him cry. Would you eat your cat, kid? Would you?

For the kid who loves his/her cat too much to eat it:

I Could Pee on This: And Other Poems by Cats

Enter the complex and poetic minds of kitty cats. Perfect for animal lovers and that girl who made the “Kittens inspired by kittens” video.

For the tween girl discovering her womanhood:

Feminist Ryan Gosling

Let someone better looking than her parents teach her what it means to be a woman.

For the Complainer:

All My Friends Are Dead

Show this little brat just how good he/she has it with this book of ways dinosaurs, cassette tapes and others have it worse. All the dinosaur’s friends are dead; all the old man’s friends are dead; all the tree’s friends are end tables – so stop crying, your life is fine.

You’re welcome for helping you finish all your holiday shopping and for making the kids in your life better people.

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