Take a Lady Out: Personal Ad

Attention all Boston-area men: Do you resemble any of these guys?


If you do not, move along. If you do, I have an opportunity of a lifetime for you. How would you like to take one of the hottest Betches in Boston out on a date? Wait, forget that question mark. You DO want to take this girl out.

Let’s talk a little bit about the biddie in question before we get into necessary qualifications:

– Her name is Alyssa (hot girl name).
– She is 23.
– She was born and raised in the Boston area and recently moved into the city where she works as a PR betch.
– She likes to do her own thing, but she’s been getting bored of herself so she’s looking for a guy in his mid to late 20s to date and potentially actually like.
– Alyssa likes drinking and dancing all night, dinners at nice restaurants (Italian and Asian are good. No Applebee’s please), and watching movies with wine. Lucky for you, she enjoys man movies.
– She can twirl sticks of fire in the air like it’s her job and she looks hot in leotards.
– She has brown hair and she is 5’9 (tall betch).

- This is Alyssa (click this photo to read a poem about her) -

Okay, that’s enough about her. You just have to trust that she’s awesome. And if you can get through the screening process (me) I may show you a real photo.

Now for the important part – what you need to be in order to date a dime piece like Alyssa:

– If you are under 6 feet tall and/or scrawny please X out.
– You must possess these desirable qualities: You have cool friends, an active social life in Boston, a nice apartment in Boston, an active social life in at least one other major city, relative intelligence.
– You have a higher chance of making the cut if you possess any of these desirable qualities: You are a professional athlete or a celebrity.
– Acceptable jobs: Finance, sales, marketing or something equally boring. Extra points if she doesn’t understand what your job entails. No trades please, except construction cause that’s what her daddy does and girls love their daddies.

- If you don't wear one of these to work you probably won't make the cut (some excpetions apply, namely athletic equipment) -

If she decides you are a prospect and she agrees to go out with you:

– You must not fawn over her like a little puppy, but you must also treat her like the lady she is. If you do not understand how that delicate balance works, then you can X out now.
– Call her frequently to chat and/or make plans. Do not leave her texts and calls unanswered.
– NO GAMES.

- Don't blow it! (That's not her. She's way hotter) -

Please contact me via the comments section if you would like to take Alyssa out on a date. Thank you.

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3 thoughts on “Take a Lady Out: Personal Ad

  1. Pingback: Can I skip Christmas? « Mid-day Margarita

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