I would like to pitch an idea to Andy Cohen and all his peeps at Bravo: The Real Housewives of Great Island Ocean Club
I spent labor day weekend at my friend’s house in Cape Cod. She and her family have a beach house in a small “gated” community called the Great Island Ocean Club. This isn’t the first long weekend I have spent there, and in my time at the GIOC I have caught a little glimpse into the golf-cart and pot-luck dinner lives of the families I now refer to as the Real Housewives of Great Island Ocean Club – RHOGIOC if you will.
Mostly these four families just vacation together, take their kids out to prime-rib lunches, fawn over the wonders of fra diavolo sauce, drink too much and then set flaming Chinese lanterns into trees, and occasionally play card games that involve the neighbors asking awkward sexual questions to each other’s children. But once in a while there’s big drama in the GIOC. This weekend I was lucky enough to find myself right in the middle of GIOC-Gate 2011 – the biggest scandal involving a gate Cape Cod has ever seen.
It was about 1:45 Sunday morning when my ladies and I arrived back at the GIOC with our cab driver Mony-Mony. We had just a wild and classy night in Downtown Hyannis so we didn’t really think twice about the fact that the stick that goes up and down when you punch the secret code in/the “gate” was missing. Little did we know, it wasn’t just gone – it had been tampered with.
The next morning Real Househusband Rodge (Raj) – a favorite amongst the little housewives and husbands in training because he takes them for golf cart rides and lets them play manhunt, and a favorite of mine because if he mocks the GIOC scandals but secretly loves it – came bursting into the house with a smile that screamed “I have juicy news.” There had been a security breach at the GIOC. Someone in a white SUV had deliberately broken the “gate” so they could enter the exclusive community uninvited. Now luckily the security camera was able to narrow down the color and size of the vehicle as well as detect a bumper sticker, but the image was too blurry to read the license plate – that wouldn’t have helped anyway.
The neighborhood was buzzing with gossip for the rest of the day. As we left to go buy some necessary loofahs at the Christmas Tree Shop, we saw the toothless security guard tending to the concerned baseball-capped ladies who had waited all summer for something to investigate on their morning walk. We later ran into Housewife Terry on the way to the beach who explained his lack of teeth. Turns out “sometimes he wears his dentures, sometimes he doesn’t.”
By the time we got back a couple hours later, they were all still there because, well nothing more exciting had happened yet. But the mystery had been mostly solved. The culprit was a renter family (eew). They had forgotten the code, and apparently thought it appropriate to break the gate because that’s what they do in their own gated community…. Luckily, the stop sign Toothless had set up on a lawn chair was keeping out most civilians.
Later that night at the Housewife dinner of steak, corn, chowdah, and of course sea food fra diavolo, Housewife Terry summed up the risk involved with living in the GIOC.
“We live in a semi-gated community, Sometimes it’s gated, and sometimes it’s not. But mostly it’s not.”
In other Housewife news, Gia Giudice has a Twitter account.